You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll piss yourself

Reacting to concern among some Democrats that his campaign is not pushing back hard enough against increasingly pointed (not to mention misleading) Republican attacks, the NY Times reports that Barack Obama will be stepping up his criticism of John McCain going forward. But if you're worried that this is a knee-jerk reaction that's incongruous with Obama's notoriously disciplined approach to campaigning, the following statement should put your mind at ease:

“We’re sensitive to the fluid dynamics of the campaign, but we have a game plan and a strategy,” said Mr. Obama’s campaign manager, David Plouffe. “We’re familiar with this. And I’m sure between now and Nov. 4 there will be another period of hand-wringing and bed-wetting. It comes with the territory.”


This guy really does seem sensitive to the "fluid" dynamics of the campaign. Sort of a strange choice of words, no? He may as well have said, "We fully expect there will be another period of fretting and vomiting. It comes with the territory." Or, "This is all par for the course. The hand-wringing, the pooping in our pants. That's politics."

Sample In A Jar

Would it be okay if we talked about urine for a little bit?

I took a drug test for my new job last week. In retrospect, I probably should have refrained from using the bathroom immediately before driving to the Quest Diagnostics office, which is located all of five minutes from my house. Upon arrival, I was handed a plastic cup and instructed to, "Give me all you got." Had this directive been in reference to the effort put forth during the urination process, as opposed to, say, the urine put forth during the urination process, I would have been in great shape.

It wasn't.

Long story short, I received a "QNS" on my first attempt, which apparently stands for Quantity Not Sufficient. I spent the next forty-five minutes pounding water in the waiting room, anxiously awaiting a full bladder and an opportunity to redeem myself.