Is R. Kelly responsible every time a 14-year-old is micturated upon in this fair city?

I'm not certain whether the R. Kelly trial constitutes news outside of the Chicago metropolitan area, but around here it commands front page headlines and top billing on the nightly news. In case you're not up to speed, Kelly has been indicted on 14 counts of soliciting a minor for child pornography and has retained the gentleman below as his legal counsel:


Now, don't get me wrong - I celebrate R. Kelly's entire catalogue. But when your defense attorney looks like an unholy cross between "the other Jeffrey Lebowski" and the Emperor from Star Wars, I have no choice but to question your innocence.